¿En serio?

¿En serio? I asked, as a friend explained how a moment of mistranslation had led to her unassuming self being invited to an orgy. It appears that smiling and nodding along whilst trying to understand does not always succeed. Sí, en serio.

It is inevitable that crawling through an adult world with the linguistic ability of a toddler will lead to some interesting situations. But somehow as the study hours add up, and linguistic confusion diminishes, the ¿en serio? moments still plague daily conversation.

It seems that whilst one can adapt to cultural differences with time, there are elements of Buenos Aires which remain beyond my reach of logic. Under the burden of such peculiarities, I am amazed the city functions at all. Here are the top five (explanations welcome).

¿En serio? the city is littered with shops proclaiming they are ‘Open 25 Hours’.

Now I can appreciate that China and Ethiopia maintain vastly different calendars to each other and the rest of the world, but I was sure that nations were in general agreement that one day held 24 hours. Not only is this supported by the solar system, but a very thrilling television programme has succeeded largely on the premise that one man can save the world in exactly this time period.

¿En serio? milk and yoghurt are sold in plastic bags.

Another clear sign that the science ship sank before reaching the shores of Buenos Aires. Once opened, a plastic bag containing a liquid will spill. Unless of course you follow local advice and buy a plastic carton to put said bag in, thus turning the bag into a milk or yoghurt carton. Coming from a nation where the milkman still reigns, I must insist on the superiority of purchasing milk in a solid container.

¿En serio? you can book flights online with the national airline, but not pay for them online.

Aerolineas Argentinas offer a hassle-free booking process online. Your confirmation e-mail will inform you that you still have to pay for your flights, but provide no details as to how to do this. On phoning the airline’s office, you will be told that all lines are busy, before the line goes dead. On visiting the office, you will be given a number and join the queue behind dozens of other potential passengers. Your flight will be confirmed by a smiling assistant, who will give you an invoice, but you cannot pay her for your flight. You will now have to join the queue for the cashier. On trying to use your Visa or Maestro debit card, you will be instructed to go to the bank and return with a wadge of notes. You will not receive a hard copy of your ticket, it is an e-ticket, after all.

¿En serio? you cannot buy Boca tickets until the day of the game.

This leads to a queue of a few hundred rowdy and hungover football fans congregating around the stadium on a Sunday morning. Having reaching the front of the sun-blazed queue, you will be informed that men and women have to buy their tickets from separate places, and at different prices. If you arrive as two women buying tickets for men and women, you will be sent to the men’s booth and charged the same price for all. Such a frustrating system may or may not be the cause of subsequent rioting, which last weekend resulting in an elderly woman being shot.

¿En serio? there is a national coin shortage.

‘Welcome to Argentina’ was the response I received when originally questioning this bizarre phenomenon. Shop windows fiercely proclaim that they do not have change, nor will accept notes for small purchases. The supermarket asks if you would like to ‘donate’ your change to (an imaginary?) charity rather than have the cashier part with the precious metal. The black market consists not of stolen cameras and crack cocaine, but coins. To be able to get the coin-only buses you must become a compulsive liar in all of the above situations. To hand over your change may lead to an incomparable display of gratitude, but you will be walking home alone.

¿En serio? Sí.